Thursday July 2nd 2020
Coronavirus Cases: 10, 984, 798
Deaths: 524, 039
Recovered: 6, 140, 758
I worked all day and it was just a mess during the last hour, but other than that it was a boring day. Walked at the park and had to use the bathroom there. My stomach has been weird lately and I might have another stomach bug going around. I went to work all sweaty, but it doesn’t matter because I’m just going to get sweaty from running around anyway. My boss left me a huge list of things to do. Anyone, including my friend and new shift leader, would be overwhelmed but I’m used to it. She just likes to stay organized. It works with me; it gives me little goals to reach throughout the day. I finished them all and did more that wasn’t even asked for me. I wish I could have a vacation, but there are too many variables. The baby, work needing me, the deadly virus, etc. I’m making good money, and I’m just saving it. For what? I guess even if I die before using it, my mother can use it for Lucas.
My friend told me that this person that has been trying to court me initially said some things about my appearance. Calling me short, fat, and ugly. I was relieved. That’s all they could come up with? Those basic insecurities that I have already gotten over? I don’t care about my appearance in this increasingly vain world. I care about my mind, my relationships, and how I can leave this world a better place. Plus, insults are like ammo for me because they give me fuel for standup material. How is someone who flirts with me going to call me ugly? What kind of third grade hair pulling shit is this?
Film – Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga (dumbass title. I guess this is a comedy? I don’t like Will Ferrell because his whole brand of humor is predictable. I feel as though all his characters are the same. The music was good. Europeans are going to watch this and just shake their heads at how awful Americans are. They even joke about it in the film. We are the worst!)
Thursday June 25th 2020
Coronavirus Cases: 9, 698, 301
Deaths: 490, 916
Recovered: 5, 250, 698
I was so bored today that I downloaded almost all of the dating apps with the exclusion of more niche ones like FarmersOnly and ChristianMingle. Everyone’s lonely these days, but we can’t be going out to bars and coffeeshops, so we resort to online dating. It’s the future. Though I still believe these apps are pure vanity. The more open-ended ones I downloaded include:
Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagle, Match, and eHarmony
Some of them were so damn confusing and all of them gave you a limited number of profiles per day. Who is supposed to find love like this? I’m not going to pay money to promote my profile and get more swipes per day. Isn’t that just technological prostitution? I will say that Tinder has the easiest user interface, so good for you, Tinder. Second place goes to Bumble. There’s a new one called S’More that doesn’t show you the person’s face so you can get to know them through their interests and conversation first. As you get to know them, their profile picure becomes clearer. I hacked the system pretty easily though. I give that third place just on the premise alone, though as expected the people on there were not that pretty. Kidding! And all of the rest of the apps are equally awful and I will be deleting them ASAP. Will be trying Grindr and JDate next. Though I hear both of those are just places for exchanging nudes and hooking up.
Also, at the park today I saw a girl I had a crush on in middle school and it was very uncomfortable so I kept moving. That was the fastest I’ve ever walked. God’s pranking me. I think she’s married now, though. All the cheerleaders became nurses and married boys who not once made honor roll and are now openly racist.
Film – Color Out of Space (Nicholas Cage makes weird movies now and I like it)
Wednesday June 24th 2020
Coronavirus Cases: 9, 520, 199
Deaths: 483, 959
Recovered: 5, 169, 270
I’ve had a runny nose all day. I took a non-drowsy allergy tablet, but my nostrils poured snot like a faucet. We visited my aunt and cousin. My grandma started roasting us as she does and then zoomed away in her new car with her Mexican music blasting. There was this cute young guy walking by on the phone and my aunt had no idea who he was, but she was trying to convince my cousin to date him. That’s what Mexicans do. They see someone around your age, you better ask them out. “I want grandkids”. She said, “ew no”. They discussed going to Charlotte over this July 4th weekend, but I have to work. I don’t really get days off. Being an essential worker is a gift and a curse, but at least my pay is getting closer to normal.
It was announced today that the NC Phase 2 is being extended three weeks, and masks will be required. I can’t wait to see people protesting that while they walk around without washing their hands. Some will say “Jesus will protect me”. Do you say that when you’re driving without a seatbelt?
I heard the story about Elijah McClain who was killed on August 24th 2019 by police as he was walking home wearing a ski mask because he was anemic. He tried pleading with them telling them he doesn’t eat meat and he would never hurt a fly. He was 23. He would play the violin for cats in his free time. They injected him with ketamine to calm him while they held him down. He choked on his own vomit and suffered two heart attacks. He was brain dead 6 days later. The body cameras “fell” and one officer is heard saying to move the camera. The cause of death was undetermined. It makes me sick to read that and I hope we as Americans don’t stop until police involved in murderers like these are held accountable. WE need polcie for the police. That’s why “defund the police” is trending lately. The idea is that the police force will be replaced by counselors, community services, and youth programs to prevent the need for policing in the first place.
Confederate statues are being taken down around America. The Vance Monument in Asheville is being protected by men with assault rifles. Meanwhile, a “defund the police” street mural has been changed to “fund the police”. Imagine if you were Jewish and someone defended a Nazi statue. Then again, it’s hard for people to put themselves in another’s shoes.
Film – The Lobster (a world in which you get turned into an animal if you don’t fall in love. It’s insane and the dialogue feels like a middle school play)
Tuesday June 23rd 2020
Coronavirus Cases: 9, 342, 588
Deaths: 478, 904
Recovered: 5, 036, 537
Worked this morning, went to the park, and came back home. Good news, Publix sandwiches are on sale! I was so excited. Also, Lucas was supposed to see his birth mother today, but she didn’t go to the meeting. Last time she went, she had an episode and ran out. The social worker came to meet my father today, because they want to know who Lucas is around. She asked my parents if we’re thinking of adopting Lucas. My coworker asked me the same thing today. I can’t imagine Lucas being with another family now. He’s like my little brother. He loves me. Always smiling when I coo at him or talk like Elmo. Please don’t see me, Sesame Street, it’s just a generic baby voice. If anything, I should sue you for Oscar the Grouch so clearly being based on my father. Anyways, I hope Lucas ends up with the best family whether that’s us or not. Maybe a rich family will adopt him and I can go visit him and eat the brand name fruit snacks from their cupboard while we watch Apple TV on their massage chairs.
Film – Just Mercy (a movie about a black lawyer trying to prove a black prisoner’s innocence. Amazon made the film free to help educate people on the Black Lives Matter movement. Though the story is harrowing, I’m remained of Michael B Jordan as Oscar Grand in Fruitvale Station. That movie gutted me.)
PS: I know these entries are getting shorter, but I’m so tired. Not just physically, but emotionally and psychologically. I pray for strength every night, but I’m just burning out as quick as I’m ignited. At least I don’t have corona. My friend is bored out of his mind and is really considering driving around from the safety of his car. He’s also learning to astral project, which is dangerous because your soul leaves your body. That leaves an empty vessel for demons to play with. I think I’ve done it before when I was younger and more open spiritually, but things are different now. I’m more weary of things like that. I will NEVER touch a Ouija board.
Monday June 22nd 2020
Coronavirus Cases: 9, 179, 107
Deaths: 473, 454
Recovered: 4, 904, 210
I asked my COVID-19 positive friend to give me some of his thoughts. So here they are:
“I wasn’t scared or upset for me. I was upset because I wasn’t sure if I had exposed anyone. I wanted to make sure everyone would be okay even if I wasn’t. Quarantine has given me a lot of time to self-reflect and focus on myself, so ive done that. And just worked through my feelings in general.”
He’s been journaling, drawing, and re-watched Love, Victor three times. His chills have returned so a nurse is going to check on him. Aside from that it seems he’s getting better.
TV – La Casa de Las Flores
Sunday June 21st 2020
Coronavirus Cases: 9, 044, 581 (I was almost one of these)
Deaths: 470, 665 (Probably one of these too)
Recovered: 4, 837, 952 (Friend will soon be one of these)
It’s Father’s Day, so we had a lot of families come in to work today. A lot of hot dads oddly enough. How are they so in shape when they’re eating custard? I don’t remember that many hot moms on Mother’s Day. Anyway, I brought my dad a Butter Pecan quart the other day, but my mom and cousins ate it…so I tried ot make one for him today. It didn’t work out well, but he will like it for the pecans. I’m thinking about my grandfather today, since we don’t really celebrate any holidays and my dad doesn’t really make a big deal out of Father’s day. If it weren’t for my Papi HEctor coming to America, my mother never would have met my dad. It’s just a weird chain of events things that go through my head. He was our patriarch, and I’d say he set us up for life in America pretty well.
I keep seeing a fat white cat in my yard when I come home at night, but I swear my neighbors only own a slim black cat. Is this some kind of sign? Is a fat white cat a sign of good luck the way black cats are bad? I could really use some luck right now, though I guess not having coronavirus is pretty lucky.
Films – The Thing (my mom said she had nightmares from the weird alien head scene. Also, Kurt Russell was such a pretty boy. Great movie. I think Kurt was the alien in the end. This is one of the few horror/sci-fi movies where the black characters live until the end. Commendable. Speaking of, I spoke with an old high school friend about touching her hair when we had first met because I was weird like that and pet people’s heads. I told her I’ve always felt bad since I learned it’s very disrespectful to touch a black woman’s hair. She told me she honestly forgot because she has to ignore microaggressions like that every day. That made me angrier at teen me because I don’t want to be one of those ignorant people she has to traverse every day. She forgave me and we talked about how cute her dog is and how healthy it is to cry. Good talk)
Saturday June 20th 2020
Coronavirus Cases: 8, 915, 864
Deaths: 466, 728
Recovered: 4, 738, 606
Worked all day today again. We’re spreading ourselves pretty thin. Just a little longer. Then…several more months of COVID-19. Possibly another, stronger, wave beginning with this recent string of positives. I’m stocking up on toilet paper and pop tarts again.
Burritos that our boss bought for us. I accidentally bit my coworker’s burrito and realized it wasn’t mine. I apologized and offered to give him mine, but he just kept eating. So basically, it’s like we shared the same burrito. How romantic. Like that Lady and the Tramp scene.
Friday June 19th 2020
Coronavirus Cases: 8, 765, 367
Deaths: 462, 681
Recovered: 4, 627, 834
I worked all day and I’m exhausted. Half of our workers can’t work because they haven’t received a negative test yet or because they “are too scared to return”, yet still go out with their families without masks. Make it make sense. The other four of us are having to pull all the extra weight. And there’s a lot to do. Thanks a lot, corona. Also my positive friend finally got his quarantine hotel room.
Seeing moms dance to the Usher blasting on our work speaker
Thursday June 18th 2020
Coronavirus Cases: 8, 576, 707
Deaths: 456, 262
Recovered: 4, 513, 309
I did nothing today except watch TV, finish a movie, and apply to a writing program. That took all day because there were so many questions and I had to revise the script I was sending. A lot of formatting issues. I hate technology I swear…. he said as he types on a laptop with his phone right in front of him and his tv directly ahead all lit by the lamp on the desk. So far all of my coworkers are coming out negative. The positive one is just quarantining at home because they couldn’t get him a hotel room. So, if I had it, I would just be dying alone in my room. So, nothing would be different except I’d be in physical pain as well as emotional.
I was all in my feels today. Talking about “I’ll never find love” and “I’m ugly” but then I realized I’m a gift to this planet and I’m not going to settle. When someone comes, I’ll embrace it. I’m not going to kill myself searching far and wide across the internet for anyone who shows the slightest interest in me. Maybe that sounds conceited, but that’s just because caring for yourself has become taboo. Everyone is more concerned with looks than lasting relationships. Dating apps are literally based on looks alone. All it takes is someone to pique your interest, but most of the people you match with only want sex or can’t hold a conversation. It’s exhausting. All I will say is, care for yourself. You can’t love anyone until you love you. Sounds stupid, but it’s true. No one, not even your perfect half, will make you whole if your piece is already broken.
That’s why I’m a psychologist. OK, not technically. I can legally call myself a counselor because they don’t need always need licensure. Wink. 😉 Hire me.
Film – Onward (the newest Pixar movie about two brothers who travel around a modern magic world with their dad’s legs. Someone posted a porn drawing of it so now I’ll never see it as the heartwarming film it was)
Wednesday June 17th 2020
Coronavirus Cases: 8, 399, 485
Deaths: 451, 257
Recovered: 4, 414, 950
Here’s how the testing went.
- I pulled up to the health department right on time. I parked. Then I moved my car because I was in the wrong place.
- I pulled into the fire lane, but it’s ok because the nurse told me to.
- They swabbed my throat for 4 seconds.
- They said, “bye!”
- 2 hours later I was negative.
Well there was a mix-up with my phone number because they called someone else. That person’s probably like “I got tested for rona? Good to know”. The hours between testing and results were just anxiety. Pure emotion, masked by false confidence and preparation for the worst. I had already planned what snacks I was going to take with me to quarantine hotel and what shows I’d be watching for the 10 days I was there. In a way, I guess I was disappointed. Obviously, I don’t want a possibly deadly disease that would rip my weak asthmatic lungs to shreds like Omar says his are. I just wanted to stay in a fancy hotel. Is that so wrong?! I’ve been wanting to move out and this would be a good test run despite the viral infection.
TV – Grand Hotel (I’m trying to finish this show even though it ends on a cliffhanger with no second season. I just want to support Latin-led shows. This other one got cancelled about a Cuban baker, but I don’t like Cuban old people because one time in Miami this con artist worked with the local seniors to tow tourists and have them pay upfront instead of go to the impound. He literally put up the “No Parking” sign in front of us. It was his and the senior’s words against a bunch of Mexican tourists. Then this guy drove by and said “watch out he’s a conman!” So, if y’all ever go to Miami and find this man, do what you must)